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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993069">Timeless</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkerLister/pseuds/WalkerLister'>WalkerLister</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers for Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:35:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993069</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkerLister/pseuds/WalkerLister</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She cannot lie any longer. There is no point anymore, is there? The Doctor is gone. The Doctor is gone.<br/>“The Doctor is gone.” She cries into her mum’s shoulder before she even realises she is saying it. “She’s gone.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This would not leave my brain after the season finale and i needed a break from studying so this is the result of an evening. I have a general sense of where I'm going with it, but i won't try to pretend this is in anyway planned. it might not even be any good but this was like catharsis after that episode lol<br/>Thought i'd share in case anyway wanted to share in the catharsis.<br/>I am in no way an expert on Doctor Who, but have loved it since childhood and am deeply attached to Thirteen so i'm just trying my best from a passionate point of view! Hope you enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yaz only realises that her belongings are still on the Tardis once she’s in the elevator in her apartment block, rising ever faster back to her family, back to her small box room, back to her <em>real </em>life. The whir of the machine under her feet is all too similar to the constant whirring of the Tardis, and her heart lurches. Her fingers fumble for purchase against the elevator wall, the metal cold under her touch, reminding her this machine is not alive like the Tardis, not mind-blowing. The Tardis.  Always alive, always fantastical, always in tune to the emotions of its pilot…</p><p>Its pilot…</p><p>The Tardis and its pilot… gone.</p><p>Yaz lets out a shaky breath, blinking rapidly as she realises the elevator has lurched to a stop and its doors have slid open. Somehow, her feet drag themselves out into the corridor, heading, on autopilot, to the door to her flat. Her mind is elsewhere, whirring just like a machine, thoughts of the Doctor, the Tardis, and her far-away belongings all a miasma which leaves the feeling of cotton wool in her ears behind in their wake.</p><p>She startles as the flat door opens in front of her, and suddenly she is face to face with her mum. Najia’s face broadens into a surprised smile, and Yaz has to take a stumbling step back in the face of her mother’s joy.</p><p>“Yaz! We weren’t expecting you back so soon!” Najia says, her arms coming up to embrace her daughter, but something prevents Yaz from sinking into the warm comfort of her mother’s arms.</p><p><em>Lie, </em>she tells herself, <em>say they, whoever </em>they <em>are, sent you home early, the job was done sooner than expected. </em></p><p>But she can’t. Almost against her will, Yaz feels her bottom lip tremble, her breathing fall into an erratic rhythm, the sting of tears in her eyes.</p><p>Her mother’s face drops. She frowns, and there is a small crease in her brow. The Doctor’s forehead does the same when she is confused or concerned… <em>was </em>confused or concerned.</p><p>Yaz bites back a small cry at the thought and she knows at that moment it is too late to stop herself, the floodgates are open, and they propel her into her mother’s arms, grasping desperately at the familiar body.</p><p>She cannot lie any longer. There is no point anymore, is there? The Doctor is gone. The <em>Doctor is gone.</em></p><p>“The Doctor is gone.” She cries into her mother’s shoulder before she even realises she is saying it. “She’s <em>gone.</em>”</p><p>“Oh Yaz.” Her mother whispers, a hand coming up to stroke her daughter’s hair. Yaz looses all sense of time then, and she thinks there is some irony in that, somewhere, as she leans into her mother’s embrace and lets a thousand emotions swallow her whole.</p><p><em>No more lies.</em>                                                                                   </p>
<hr/><p>It is later, the sky outside having slowly darkened until the soft glint of starlight can be seen outside the window, slightly diluted by the city lights of Sheffield. Yaz does not mind that thought: she has seen those stars up close, seen their beauty unlike anyone she knows. Well, barring Ryan and Graham of course.</p><p>She grasps her mug of tea firmly, the third she’s been served in the course of the hours it has taken for her to explain everything to her mum. Its dulled warmth offers her some comfort as her gaze is momentarily transfixed by the stars, by the knowledge that they reside so high and she so low, and that she has no way of reaching them again.*</p><p>Shaking her head and cutting that train of thought dead in its tracks Yaz turns her attention back to her mum, to Najia’s surprised expression and heavy eyes. It is a lot to take in, Yaz understands, to suddenly find out that the eccentric woman who a few months ago had stopped a hoard of mutated spiders is actually an alien who’s been escorting your daughter through time and space on a bunch of adventures varying in danger.  To know your daughter has saved the planet from destruction multiple times. To find out your daughter has been lying.</p><p>“But… I…” Najia begins, mouth opening and closing. “I understand why you went Yaz, I do, to see the universe…” she shakes her head, and her eyes meet Yaz’s, deep and imploring. “But why now? Why, when your career is taking off and there is so much for you here. Why now?”</p><p><em>Because I was scared that everything might go wrong, I was scared I would lose what I was slowly beginning to gain, </em>Yaz is desperate to say, but she cannot. Her mum does not know about that time, all those years ago, and so she cannot know that Yaz was running again, running because this fantastic woman had promised adventure beyond anything Yaz could have ever hoped for, and that gave her the perfect excuse to put off her ‘real’ life, to grasp at the opportunity where all worldly worries and concerns were gone, and she could simply revel in the fact of being <em>alive. </em></p><p>But she cannot say all that, now is not the time, not when the look on the Doctor’s face when she had turned and left Yaz forever is engrained into her retinas. So instead she replies, “I wanted to see more, know what else was out there! And the Doctor she….” Yaz licks her lips, reining herself in a bit, “she was so amazing, she was the best person I’ve ever met, and to think she wanted <em>me </em>to travel with her….” Yaz has to swallow the lump in her throat then, has to clench her hand into a fist as the memory of the Doctor’s coat under her fingers as she’d desperately tried to stop her from sacrificing herself comes back with full force. “We were a family.” She whispers. “Me, Ryan and Graham. We were her <em>family. </em>And now… now she’s gone! And she died alone, mum! Without any of us there, with only that <em>Master </em>and all his manipulation forcing her to sacrifice herself. And I never got to tell her-” She breaks off, one hand releasing her mug to cover her mouth, fingers trembling against her lips.</p><p>“Tell her what?” Najia pushes gently.</p><p>“Tell her how grateful I am! How much I owe her! How much she means to me!” Yaz stops herself before she says too much. Again, that is another conversation for another day. She looks deep into her mother’s eyes then, and she can tell, from the softening around her mother’s mouth that the look there must be horrifically raw. “She died alone, <em>mum. </em>All she did for us, and she died alone….”</p><p>Najia brings her daughter into her embrace again, and Yaz feels another wave of emotion rolling in, the tide turning on her control. She lets herself be washed away.                                                                                   </p>
<hr/><p>She gets a text from Ryan an hour later. It is early evening, and the comforting smell of cooking food wafts its way through the flat. Yaz is just exiting the bathroom when the phone pings in her pocket, her face feeling fresher after splashing water onto it, her mind clearer.</p><p>‘<em>Graham’s gone for fish and chips if you fancy any.’ </em></p><p>She bites her lip, feeling a desperate need to see the both of them again, to bring that connection to the Doctor back. Guilt ripples through her as the promise of a home cooked meal drifts away, but she is hoping her mum will understand that she needs to do this, she needs to see them.                                                                              </p>
<hr/><p>Ryan opens the door for her after her anxious knocking, his face soft and smiling as he takes in the sight of her, probably looking a little worse for wear, still in the same clothes she had worn on Gallifrey. He has changed, but his eyes… they carry the same weight she feels in her own. They had looked like that after Grace had died, too… grief.</p><p>“Hey, mate. Come in.” He says, stepping aside to let her in, then closing the door behind her.</p><p>“Yaz?” He says, and she turns, stopping in her tracks as she was about the turn into the front room. His gaze roams her up and down. “You want a hug?”</p><p>Yaz inhales a sharp breath, fighting that sting again. <em>Not for a third time…</em></p><p>“Yeah, I’d love one.” She replies, and then they are embracing, and the warmth of Ryan’s body envelops hers as they cling to each other in solidarity. Her nose is in the crook of her neck, and his natural smell is intermingled with another… the Tardis. It smells like the Tardis. She clings tighter for a moment before pulling back, and they both look at each other, each a little embarrassed, a little bashful, but both more grateful for the mutual support than they are willing to admit.</p><p>“You beat Graham here, but then again, we both know how slow he is.” Ryan jokes, and a small laugh leaves Yaz’s throat. She feels lighter for his presence, less lumbered with her thoughts and feelings.</p><p>She trails into the front room, looking around. It looks the same as it had the first day they had met the Doctor (well, minus the chair the Tardis had squashed when the Doctor had accidently landed on it). Yaz’s gaze lingers on the sofa where the Doctor had lain that night, in her oversized clothes, so unlike the ones she had picked from the charity shop a few days following. The clothes of her past self, of a past personality… but still the same person. It still baffles Yaz, that her Doctor could be someone different, and yet the same. She does not know whether she likes that thought. Her Doctor is… so much herself that it feels like a crime that she should be anyone else. She is Yaz’s Doctor. And yet… there is so much surrounding her still that they do not know. So many questions still on the tip of Yaz’s tongue. It may be too late for answers now.</p><p>“I think we need to talk, all three of us.” She says to Ryan without turning to face him, eyes still fixed on the sofa. “I think we should discuss what’s happened.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah me too.” Ryan says. There’s a hesitation in his tone which makes Yaz turn to him, and she sees he is blinking rapidly, forehead creased. “I still can’t believe it, Yaz. I still can’t believe she’s actually gone.”</p><p>Yaz nods, a small smiling gracing her lips. “Yeah. Me too.”                                                                                           </p>
<hr/><p>The evening has well and truly set in by the time the three of them, Graham having returned soon after Yaz had arrived, have finished off their servings of fish, a few chips still remaining within their paper wrappings. They sit in a comfortable silence, each picking at the chips every now and again.</p><p>“Well, kids,” Graham says, leaning back in his chair, legs stretching out under the table. “That was a meal worthy of universe-savers, I would say.” His face is cast in the warm glow from the lamp which glows dully on the table, and it makes him look older, and more tired. There is that same grief behind his eyes, too. “Just a shame we’re missing someone, eh?”</p><p>Yaz draws in a deep breath, fingers fiddling with a chip she holds between them. “I keep thinking I should have done more to stop her.” She admits, not looking the others in the eye. “We let her sacrifice herself for us, just like that.”</p><p>“I don’t think there would have been much we could have done to change her mind.” Graham reasons.</p><p>“Yeah,” Ryan says, shifting in his chair. “There’s no changing her mind when she’s set on something.”</p><p>“We didn’t even get to say goodbye properly!” Yaz protests, and the chip is being squished between her fingertips. “We never got to let her know that we owe her so much!”</p><p>Ryan and Graham are silent, and Yaz knows her words ring true in them as well. Graham closes his eyes for a moment, and he says in a low voice, “I know, love.”</p><p>“She wasn’t alright.” Yaz says, and she cannot stop talking now that the dam has broken. They need to do this. “I could tell. She hadn’t been alright since the Master first showed up, but after we found her on Gallifrey… she was alone, and she died alone, and I can’t <em>bear </em>that thought.”</p><p>“She kept a lot from us…” Ryan says, ruminating. “You ever think maybe there was a reason?”</p><p>“Probably, but the Doc, she wouldn’t have done it for bad reasons.” Graham says. “All she kept from us, she must ‘ave done for a reason.”</p><p>“It was destroyed…” Yaz says, shaking her head, a heaving feeling sinking into her bones. “Gallifrey was rubble and ash. That’s why she never let us visit.”</p><p>“And why she clamped up quicker than a Venus fly trap any time we asked.” Graham adds.</p><p>“The Master, you think?” Ryan asks.</p><p>Graham shrugs, “Got to have been. He was bleedin’ barmy, and knew how to push all the Doc’s buttons.”</p><p>“<em>Why, </em>why destroy an entire planet? Just to annoy the Doctor?” Yaz shakes her head. There is still something missing, something nagging at the back of her mind. Something had happened on Gallifrey before they had found the Doctor, and that was the reason the Master had done what he had. “The Doctor, she was saying something, when we found her, after she woke up, about them all being clever, <em>her </em>being clever….”</p><p>“Her past regenerations, you think?” Graham suggests. He chuckles then, “Can’t shake how mad that concept is.”</p><p>“You don’t think she might have done it this time, do you?” Ryan asks. “That maybe she’s regenerated after she detonated that bomb? That she might have survived?”</p><p>That thought <em>had </em>crossed Yaz’s mind, but it’s too unsettling, too much like hope but not enough like it at the same time. The Doctor might still be alive, but she wouldn’t be <em>Yaz’s </em>Doctor, she’d be different.</p><p>She shrugs, and so does Graham, all of them out of answers, out of hope.</p><p>Graham leans forward then, lifting his glass of water and raising it into the air. “Here’s to the Doc.”</p><p>Yaz and Ryan reach for their glasses, holding them aloft to join Graham’s toast. “The Doctor.” Yaz says, voice catching a little, tripping around the name. “The universe.”</p><p>“The universe.” The other two chime.                                                                                  </p>
<hr/><p>Yaz doesn’t intend to stay at Graham’s for the night, but they get lost in stories, in jokes about how Graham’s speedos are still on Tardis, lost in space, and before she knows it midnight has passed and she sends a rapid text to her mum to let her know she’ll spend the night on Graham’s sofa. Graham himself is snoring slightly, head tipped back, asleep in the armchair in the corner. Ryan is in the kitchen, having taken the responsibility to clean up their dishes. Ryan, the boy who had travelled the stars now suddenly so much more mature, more responsible. Yaz hasn’t realised how much he’s grown until this moment, until she’s had this pause to step back and really look at where they are now, on the other side of the adventures. Back on Earth. It is bittersweet, but maybe now that their adventures are over, now that the Doctor is gone, they are stronger for it.  </p><p>She is just dozing off, savouring the nonsensical connection she feels with the Doctor, laying where she had months (or is it years? It’s been hard to keep track) ago, when a sudden sound, like lightening, comes from outside the back window. Graham jumps awake, a bleary shout leaving his throat. She hears Ryan call out, and she bolts upright, looking toward the kitchen. Ryan is frozen, staring out of the window, and Yaz scrambles to join him. She hears Graham follow her, and all three of them press up against the kitchen counters, peering out.</p><p>“What was that?” Graham asks. There is some kind of movement from outside, as if something is <em>waving </em>at them, and Yaz strides over to the light-switch, flicking it off and plunging them into darkness so that they can see into the darkened garden a little better. What they do see, when their eyes adjust, makes Yaz’s heart leap into full throttle, and she hears Ryan mutter a swear word under his breath next to her.</p><p>“Oh my…” She trails off, and before she knows it, she is flinging open the back door and stumbling out into the garden.</p><p>A stark floodlight comes on, and she knows it is probably Graham switching it on so that they may see better, but it feels like a spotlight focusing on a stage, bringing it into the light, telling her that the next act is about to begin. Beside her, Graham and Ryan take their places to take in the scene in front of them.</p><p>“Ah, thank god!” An American drawl announces. “I got it right. Had to guess the coordinates a little, but I never forget a good kiss.”</p><p>Jack winks at Graham, but the three companions miss his joke, and Jack frowns, looking down to where their attention is directed. “Ah, yes.” He says, “I thought we could use your help.”</p><p>Yaz steps forwards, onto the stage, legs shaking as if they have stage fright. But it is so much more than that. It is shock and disbelief and <em>hope </em>all wrapped into one, for here, with an arm draped around Jack’s shoulder, head bowed loosely, looking to be unconscious, is the <em>Doctor. </em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Desperately wanted to get this up tonight so i apologise for any mistakes but I am so tired! Anyway, I've been completely blown away by the response to the first chapter- so thank you so much! <br/>I hope you enjoy this chapter (it spiralled into a long one!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Please, please say she’s alive.” Yaz demands of Jack as the man sinks to his knees on the frosty grass. Yaz shivers, taking a few steps forward and flinging herself down next to him. Her eyes take in seemingly thousands of things at once: the Doctor’s bedraggled appearance, her lank blonde hair, her shallow breathing, the fact that underneath her classic coat, she is wearing not her eclectic ensemble but badly fitting grey trousers and sweatshirt. In all, it looks like a prison uniform, and Yaz swallows back the sick feeling in her throat. She realises, once she can finally tear her gaze away from the Doctor, alive, alive, <em>alive, </em>that she realises Jack is wearing the same uniform underneath the trench coat he had been wearing the first time they met.</p>
<p>“She is, but I won’t lie to you guys, it’s not been a pleasant time for her.” Jack grimaces, shifting the Doctor so that she is lolloped against his chest, reaching for her wrist, checking for the double-pulses of her heartbeats. Yaz longs to reach and do the same, as she had on Gallifrey. That had been a matter of hours ago for her, but looking at the Doctor now, at the almost imperceptible changes in her appearance, she can tell it’s been a lot longer for her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Where have you been? </em>
</p>
<p>“How the bleedin’ heck did you do that?!” Graham asks, standing behind Yaz, concern evident but his knees protesting the sink to the ground.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you just appeared out of nowhere!” Ryan exclaims, kneeling next to Yaz.</p>
<p>“Vortex manipulator,” Jack explains, holding up the hand not grasping for the Doctor’s pulse to show a leather strap secured around his wrist, large and bulky. “Cheap time travel, the Doctor hates them, but it got us here!” He frowns, concentrating for a moment, “I’ve got her pulses. Let’s get her inside. Oh, she’s gonna hate me for this, but needs must…”</p>
<p>Jack trails off as he rises, shoving his arms under the Doctor’s knees and back, lifting her off the ground and into his arms.  It is so odd to see the <em>Doctor, </em>a being fizzing with energy, limp and manhandled in such a way, even if it is only by Jack. Worry stabs at Yaz’s chest, and she follows Jack back into the house as Graham leads the way. Ryan follows on behind her, and he grabs at her sleeve, “Yaz, she’s alive!” he exclaims.</p>
<p>“I know.” She replies, a small smile gracing her lips, but something sits heavy in her chest, leaving an unnerving feeling of disconcertion. The Doctor is back, Yaz should be ecstatic, and on one level she is, but there is something wrong about all this- the Doctor has not returned in Tardis, beaming at them with her wacky clothing and custard cream in hand, but instead in nondescript grey clothing, unconscious.</p>
<p>“Hang on, you’ve gotta explain some things to us,” Graham is saying to Jack as Yaz and Ryan follow both men through the kitchen and into the front room. “How come you’re with her, and why are you both dressed like Ryan when he went through his grunge phase?”</p>
<p>“Oh thanks, grandad.” Ryan protests.</p>
<p>“This is the uniform of the Judoon maximum security prison. Fetching, isn’t it?” Jack explains as he carefully makes his way into the front room, trying not to bang any of the Doctor’s limbs or her head on the doorway.</p>
<p>“The Judoon?” Yaz repeats.</p>
<p>“What, the space-rhino police?” Ryan asks.</p>
<p>“Yes, exactly them.” Jack replies.</p>
<p>“But who’d put the Doc in prison?” Graham demands, affronted. Anger flares up in Yaz’s stomach at the thought that the Doctor, the woman who would do anything to help anyone, might be imprisoned… That odd leaden feeling comes over Yaz again…</p>
<p>“And <em>why?</em>” She asks.</p>
<p>Jack does not reply to their questioning, focusing instead on depositing the Doctor on the sofa. He carefully lowers her down, Graham adjusting the cushions for her head to rest on. Jack steps back, stretching his arms to the sides to loosen his muscle up.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with her?” Yaz demands, taking Jack’s place and crouching down next to the sofa. She reaches for the Doctor’s wrist, searching for her pulses, just as she had done on Gallifrey. That was mere hours ago for her, but for the Doctor… the skin under her hand is cool to the touch, paler than usual, the pulses strong but rather fast. Although, Yaz is not sure what is usual for a Timelord. She bites her lip, feeling all too unprepared. <em>Come on, Officer Khan, help her where you can. </em> </p>
<p>He looks grim as he replies. “The Judoon, they’ve been interrogating her for something. I’m not exactly sure what they’ve done, but it’s been wearing her down every time they have.”</p>
<p>“Wait, every time?” Yaz asks. “How long were you in there?”</p>
<p>Jack raises an eyebrow, head twitching to the side. “Myself? A good month before we bumped into each other. She never specified how long she’d been there, but whatever the Judoon were doing to her... it’s different this time though.” He looks at the Doctor, still unaware, disturbingly still. Yaz catches something in his eyes that is as deep as a whirlpool, and unbelievably sad.</p>
<p>“Different how?” Yaz asks.</p>
<p>Jack shakes his head, “This might be best told if I can give you the full picture. Hey, handsome,” He says, turning to Graham, whose eyebrows rise in surprise. “You got anything to drink?”</p>
<p>Graham blinks. “I’ve got tea?”</p>
<p>“I was thinking something stronger…” Jack says.</p>
<p>“No can do, not until you tell us exactly what is going on here.” Ryan demands, pointing a finger at Jack, who leaps back, raising his hands in surrender.</p>
<p>“Easy, soldier, if you’d been where I have, you’d want a stiff drink too!” He pauses then, his face losing its joviality and returning to its worried and haggard state. He looks old, then, and it is like the look Yaz catches on the Doctor’s face sometimes. A face that has lived far longer that it pretends to… it does seem odd a man dressed like a Second World War pilot should be hopping through space via badly-made time travel. The questions keep mounting up, and Yaz sighs, gently laying the Doctor’s wrist down by her side as she rises to face the others.</p>
<p>“Put the kettle on, Graham. Might as well hear what he has to say while we wait for her to wake up.”                                                                                  </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>All Jack had wanted was to catch another sight of a cute-looking alien with incredible horns, it wasn’t his fault that, in keeping his gaze backwards instead of forwards, he had accidently bumped into another, very rowdy, inmate who had immediately assumed Jack wanted a fight and had raised some rather terrifyingly long claws (‘also kinda sexy’, Jack had thought) and proceeded to try and gouge Jack’s eyes out.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All hell had broken loose then, a cafeteria’s worth of pent up prisoners eager for something entertaining had gathered around them, and Jack had found himself in the middle of an impromptu boxing-ring. With talons raised in front of him, he had the uneasy feeling his unique party-trick might get a chance to perform for a baying crowd. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please, let’s talk about this!” He tries to reason, flashing his dashing smile. “Maybe over a drink?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The taloned-inmate lunges then, and Jack finds himself ducking and diving to avoid being torn to pieces. After a month of confinement, it is tiring work on aching muscles, and he braces himself for the impact, for the inevitable moment of blankness before he finds himself slammed back into his body, back into life once again.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a flash of grey and yellow move in between him and the other inmate. He rises to his full height to see a rather-short, blonde haired woman, her back turned to him, trying to reason with the inmate, not at all concerned about the razor-sharp talons in her face. Jack has no idea what they are saying, they are speaking a language he has never heard before, and the taloned alien is none he recognises (‘But would rather like to’, he thinks), but the woman seems to be attempting to cool the alien down, hands raised to placate. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Suddenly, two Judoon guards burst through the crowd, shouting for the inmates to break up. They turn to the woman then, shouting at her, but she ignores them, flapping a hand to them as if to say ‘in a minute!’ </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack realises then these Judoon are not the ordinary guards who monitor the cafeteria, but instead wear the subtle insignia of maximum security guards, posted to keep watch over prisoners in maximum security, and it seems they are the guards of this woman, from the way they keep reaching for her arms, attempting to drag her back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Something clicks then, in Jack’s brain, and he feels a smile broaden of its own accord across his face. The Doctor’s friends- the handsome man and the good-looking younguns’- they’d referred to them as a ‘she.’ Yes, the Doctor is a woman now! And there is only one person he knows stupid and brave enough to put themselves in front of a taloned alien to protect another.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Doctor?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The woman turns to face him, then, and Jack feels his smile broaden even more as he is met with eyes so different and yet so familiar. Eyes that light up with recognition once they clamp onto him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jack!” The Doctor cries. Pearly white-teeth show as she smiles brightly, turning to face him properly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” Jack proclaims, looking the Doctor up and down in admiration. “Like the new look…” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack leans in then, and the Doctor, frowning slightly, catches on and backs away slightly, one finger coming up to point at him, “Oh no you don’t!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s tradition at this point, Doc!” Jack reasons, but the Doctor holds him with a menacing gaze. Jack reasons, “A hug at least?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The Doctor huffs, “Fine.” </em>
</p>
<p><em>Jack smiles, a victorious laugh leaving his throat. It is very easy for him to sweep the Doctor up in his arms, so small and slight she is compared to some of her other incarnations, but there is a physical presence that the Doctor has </em>always <em>possessed, that remains with her still, and Jack is aware that though she be small, she is fierce. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“No bo sho!” A Judoon shouts, and Jack and the Doctor are man-handled apart by the two maximum security guards. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What did you do to get put in maximum security?” Jack asks as they are dragged apart. Around them, other guards are breaking up the crowd of inmates, the taloned alien is being led away by a guard, looking angered. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’ve no idea!” The Doctor replies. She is being led away then, and Jack shouts in desperation,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’ll find you!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How?” The Doctor calls back, being dragged towards the doorway. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Jack shrugs, but shoots her a wink, to which she rolls her eyes before her head is forced to face forward by one of the guards and she is escorted from the room.</em>                                                                                        </p>
<hr/>
<p>“Intervening in a fight that has nothing to do with her? That sounds like the Doc.” Graham remarks, a small smile on his face. Yaz agrees, and she looks fondly to the still unconscious alien from where she is sat on the floor by the sofa, next to the Doctor’s side.</p>
<p>“So then what did you do?” Ryan asks.</p>
<p>“Well, I figured out where she was located and devised it so I’d be bringing her her meals.” Jack explained, taking a sip from the tepid tea he holds in his hands. “I volunteered for that task when I was first assigned a job- meant I could meet and flirt with as many inmates as possible.” He says, winking at Yaz.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, but why were you in there? If not just to flirt within an enclosed space?” Ryan asks.</p>
<p>“Hijacking a spaceship. You should know, you were there.” Jack says, swigging his tea.</p>
<p>Of course. When they had first met, he had hijacked a craft in order to get in contact with the Doctor. In a roundabout way, Yaz reasons, it did work.</p>
<p>“Then what?” She asks.                                                                              </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>“Can I offer you some incredibly appealing grey mush, madame?” Jack asks the Doctor through the window in her cell door. Peering in, he sees her scramble from her seated position on the far side of the window. She joins him at the window, face lined and serious, but relieved. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t ‘madame’ me, Jack.” She replies. She looks down at the bowl in his hands, her lip curling. “And no thanks.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nah, didn’t think so,” He throws the bowl back on his cart, and checks either end of the corridor he is on for guards. They are alone, for now. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, we gotta get out of here.” He says.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I agree, they’ve completely ruined my style with this grey get up.” The Doctor says, and then her eyes widen before narrowing. “Oh! I have a bone to pick with you! Mistook me for Graham? You seriously think I’d wear something so…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Normal?” Jack offers.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Boring.” She decides on. “No offence to Graham but bus driver-chic isn’t really my style.” She blinks then, seemingly coming back into the moment. “Sorry, not much time, I know. Been in here by myself a bit too long, my brains are going a bit wonky.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack narrows his eyes. “Okay, well we’ll be out here soon. You and me Doc, perfect team for a jail break!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She smiles then, and it’s a smile laden with exhaustion. “It really is good to see you, Jack.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You alright, Doctor? Unlike you to get soppy with me.” Jack asks, still with the playful tone in his voice, but he allows that steely seriousness to fall into his eyes, to let her know he understands the seriousness of this situation.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, I know, just… been having an ongoing crisis. I’ll be fine though,” She says, unconvincingly. “Well, I will if the Judoon stop trying to poke around in my brains.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“They’re doing </em>what <em>now?” Jack asks. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“The Judoon, they’ve got some sort of psychic equipment. It’s picking up on my own psychic tendencies and they’re trying to root around in my brain for the proof of what I’ve apparently done.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And you really don’t know what that is?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>She shakes her head, and her eyes look even more tired, then. “No. It’s a long story, but apparently I’ve been up to much more than I’d thought. But it’s </em>so <em>uncomfortable every time, it’s like an itch in my brains which also hurts!” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Okay, we seriously gotta get out of here.” Jack says, his conviction strengthening to steel at the sight of the Doctor. Something is seriously wrong, he can sense it, but he is not going to pressure it out of her. Not the time, not the place. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m glad you’ve said that, because my plan is going to be a whole lot easier to execute with two people.” The Doctor says, licking her lips and looking up into Jack’s eyes. </em>
</p>
<p><em>Jack raises an eyebrow. “Always one step ahead. What you got?”</em>                                                                                      </p>
<hr/>
<p>“She wanted to blow up the machine with her mind?” Yaz asks, perplexed. She looks back at the Doctor. “Is that why she’s like that?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I think so.” Jack bites the inside of his cheek. “But I think something went a bit wrong.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Ryan asks, face creasing in concern.</p>
<p>Jack takes a moment of pause before he begins his tale again.                                                                                  </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘The Doctor’s plan was classic Doctor. She’d managed to pry a piece of floor up and figure out how to dismantle the security systems. After confirming I’d left my vortex manipulator in my coat the plan was for her to disable the systems at a certain time, allowing me the time to grab both of our belongings before making my way back to her. Any trouble, I’d have her sonic.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I think it’s best we do this when they’re interrogating me.” The Doctor says. “I can break that machine, I know I can, and doing that, it will take the guards out, giving you enough time to come in here and grab me.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack nods. “Alright, but how are you going to do both that and disable the security systems?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I need to put a timer on the systems, so that they go down at the right time. That’s gonna take some time.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How long?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not any longer than a couple of days. That’s when they’ll come for me again, anyway, going by their usual pattern. It should all work out. But, I’m wondering, can you get hold of one of a timer somewhere?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“A timer? Where am I supposed to get a timer?” Jack asks. </em>
</p>
<p><em>The Doctor shrugs. “You’ve got your ways, I’m sure you’ll think of something.”</em>                                                                              </p>
<hr/>
<p>“What are your ways?” Ryan interrupts.</p>
<p>Jack gives him a long look.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you want that answer, son.” Graham says, patting his grandson on the shoulder.                                                                                 </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘So, I had my hands on a timer and a tempting invitation should I ever need anything else.’ </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Jack.” The Doctor says the night before their prison break, fiddling with the timer to manipulate it to their needs. “If something goes wrong you get out of here without me.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Doctor…” Jack began but she cut him off. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, seriously, go.” She insists. “I’ll figure my way out of here another way.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack raises his hands in surrender. He has to make a drama out of fiddling with the food trays on his trolley as a guard walks past. He shoots them a wicked grin, and the Judoon huffs before moving on.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“So, your companions.” Jack starts, resuming his peering into the Doctor’s cell. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Friends.” She corrects without looking up. “Fam.” </em>
</p>
<p><em>Jack frowns, “Alright, ‘fam’… Well, your </em>fam <em>seem like decent people.”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>The Doctor smiles. “The best.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Did they warn you? About the lone cyberman?” He asks. “I told them to warn you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The Doctor’s eyes darken then and her jaw tenses, her hands stilling at her work. “Yes.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack bows his head. He sighs. “Listen, I don’t-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“There was nothing else I could have done except to give him the cyberium.” The Doctor says, tone firm, the iciest Jack has seen her yet. Her eyes flicker from him to the floor. “Don’t worry, I paid for it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Doctor, I wasn’t going to blame you-”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“So did the fam…” She says, clearly not having heard Jack. She looks up at him then, eyes wide and imploring. “Actually, could you do me favour? If we don’t get out of here, together, go to them, will you? I’ll give you the coordinates. Explain that I’m alive, and that I’m coming back to them, once I figure out a way.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack nods. “Yeah, of course I will. But we’re getting out of here together, ya hear me?”</em>
</p>
<p><em>The Doctor looks up at him, hands beginning to fiddle with the timer again. Her eyes are kind, but her face is like stone. “Oh Jack, always so optimistic.” </em>                                                                                     </p>
<hr/>
<p>“Oh, so you didn’t find your way here by the grace of my kissing abilities.” Graham remarks with a slight huff.</p>
<p>“Don’t look so put out, you’re still an excellent kisser.” Jack winks.</p>
<p>“So it worked, then?” Yaz asks. “The plan went… well, to plan?”</p>
<p>“Without a hitch.” Jack says, raising his mug. He falters. “Well, almost…”                                                                   </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘That night, I was down in the depths of the prison facility, luckily for us the kitchens are close to where they store the belongings of all inmates on board. That gave me an excuse to be down there. Now the Doc was clever, disabling the security systems without setting off the alarms. And luckily, I just so happened to be casually leaning against the door which led to storage when it just happened to open….</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘I didn’t have much time, so when I tracked down our belongings, the coats were the priority, ensuring that I had both the sonic and the vortex manipulator. After that, it was a simple matter of causing some chaos as a distraction- god did it feel good to knock one of those massive vats of gruel over! </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘The sonic came in handy, and before I knew it I was in the maximum security wing. But then…’</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jack can hear the screaming the moment he enters the maximum security hall way. It is piercing and yet resonates with the agony of thousands of years and dozens of lifetimes. He falters for a second, but soon finds himself pounding down the corridor towards the Doctor’s cell, pointing the sonic at the lock until it automatically clicks and the door swings open. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The Doctor’s screams die as the door is opened, and Jack feels himself flung back by an incredible force. He hits the ground hard, and it jolts all the bones in his body. His breath catching in his throat, he scrambles back up and races into the cell. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The two Judoon guards who had been interrogating the Doctor lie on the floor, either unconscious or dead. There is some sort of metal contraption in the centre of the room, directed at a chair which is now upended, but it is blown to smithereens, smoking slightly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And the Doctor… she is unresponsive on the floor, limbs askew. Jack throws himself down by her side, reaching for her wrist and checking for her pulses. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He pulls back sharply as a feeling like small pinpricks to the mind and a searing burning pain to the skin envelops him. It lingers once he has drawn back, and Jack shakes his head as if to dislodge the feeling. The Doctor’s brow is scrunched up, a pained look on her own face, and Jack wonders if the pain is the damage that has been done to her psychic capabilities. Rooting around in a mind, where no one should. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“God, Doc, I’m sorry…” Jack mutters. He grabs his vortex manipulator, strapping it to his wrist and hastily dialling in the coordinates the Doctor had given him. By the time he turns back to the Doctor, her face has smoothed out and she is completely lost to unconsciousness. Tentatively, Jack reaches out and touches the Doctor’s wrist. There is none of the pain that came before; the physic aggravation seems to have calmed for now. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright, let’s blow this joint.” He mutters, and from a distance he can hear the blaring of alarms, and the thundering of booted feet. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Slipping the sonic into his own pocket, he works the Doctor’s coat very carefully onto her frame before gathering her into his arms. A group of Judoon, guns raised, round the doorway and burst into the cell just as Jack hits the button on the vortex manipulator. </em>
</p>
<p><em>“See ya boys!” He shouts, saluting as he and the Doctor are swept into the vortex, away from the prison facility, hopefully never to return.</em>                                                                                     </p>
<hr/>
<p>“And the rest you know.” Jack says, taking a long drink from his mug.</p>
<p>“But what were they trying to get out of her?” Ryan asks, looking to the Doctor. “What could she have done that they wanted to know about so desperately?”</p>
<p>An awkward silence sits like a presence in the room between the three companions, as pregnant as the tension that has filled the Tardis for the past few months. The Doctor has always hid things from them, never quite answered a question about herself until after the Master’s first appearance, and even then it was a brief, brisk reply.</p>
<p>Jack himself looks uncomfortable at the question, looking between the three of them. “How much do you-”</p>
<p>Suddenly, from behind her, the Doctor begins to stir. Yaz flicks her head around, body twisting awkwardly. The Doctor’s brow is furrowed, and her mouth opens, as if to form words, before closing again.</p>
<p>“Doctor?” She calls. She goes to touch the Doctor’s wrist, but Jack stops her with a protest.</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t touch her, Yaz. If this is the same physic flare-up, it’ll sting you badly.” Jack says, a hand out in warning. “I don’t think she anticipated that machine would cause the harm it has when she decided blowing it up with her mind was a good idea.”</p>
<p>Yaz finds it incredibly hard not to offer some comfort to her friend, and they all watch on as agonising minutes drip past until finally the Doctor calms again, apparently no more responsive than before.</p>
<p>“Isn’t there more we could be doing?!” Yaz asks out of pure frustration, sitting back on her heels. She can feel the day’s emotions building into a climax ready to implode. Choppy waters made volatile by a cacophony of emotions and Yaz feels like a small boat about to tip over.</p>
<p>“I don’t think so, love.” Graham tries to placate.</p>
<p>“Trust the Doctor, Yaz.” Jack says, “You know she’ll be doing all she can to fight to get back to you. She puts a lot of value in you, in all of you.”</p>
<p>Yaz sucks in a sharp breath. To hear this from someone else, from someone who has apparently known the Doctor for a very long time is reassuring. But those waves are choppy, and she is conflicted. “Is that why she never tells us anything? Is that why she kept us in the dark about all that was troubling her?”</p>
<p>Jack looks uncertain then, his mug of tea pausing halfway to his mouth. “Yaz, it’s not as simple as that…”</p>
<p>“What isn’t?” Yaz demands, turning fully to face him. “We’re her family, she’s been there for us enough times, and yet she won’t let us be there for her! Does she not trust us?”</p>
<p>Jack opens and closes his mouth, thinking for a moment before answering, “Yaz, look, I can’t speak for her, but I do know the Doctor would not have kept things from you unless it was for a good reason. You know who she is, right? You know how old she is?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, she said thousands of years…” Yaz trails off, biting the inside of her lip.</p>
<p>Even Jack looks taken aback. “Well, last time I saw her it was hundreds, but time isn’t something reliable when it comes to the Doctor...”</p>
<p>Graham huffs, “You can say that again. I don’t think she’s ever landed the Tardis exactly when and where she intended.”</p>
<p>“My point is,” Jack continues, “If you’d have lived for thousands of years, don’t you think you’d have things you might want to keep to yourself? Things you’d prefer people, who gave you a fresh start, not know?”</p>
<p>This brings Yaz up short, and she finds herself swallowing down a hasty reply. Jack has a point, and it pins her in place with indecision. The Doctor is an anomaly. She uses the word ‘fam’ sometimes with such light-heartedness, and yet also with a sincerity which lights a flame within Yaz. To mean that much to someone… she looks to the Doctor, her pale face, and realises that anger is not the right emotion to be feeling. She is justified to feel it, but not now, not when the Doctor cannot defend herself. And Jack is right, the Doctor has never meant to harm them through her secrecy.</p>
<p>“It might not be a matter of trust, Yaz. It might be a matter of fear.” Jack says.</p>
<p>“I just wish she knew that if she told us… we wouldn’t leave, right?” Yaz says, looking to Graham and Ryan.</p>
<p>“No, love.” Graham agrees. “She’s shown through her actions she would never intentionally do something to cause anyone harm. Well, except the Master, and then that was only trying to outdo him!”</p>
<p>“Wait, the Master?” Jack interrupts, having gone deadly still.</p>
<p>“Yeah…” Ryan says, frowning. “He’s been causing her all sorts of trouble.”</p>
<p>“But he’s dead now.” Yaz says, “The Doctor sacrificed herself for us so she could stop him from trying to destroy the universe with a cyberman hybrid army….”</p>
<p>“Hybrid of what? Human?” Jack asks.</p>
<p>“No.” Graham replies. “Timelord. That’s her race, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>Jack sloshes some tea out of his mug, and he puts it down heavily on the side table. “<em>Cyberman-Timelord hybrid?” </em></p>
<p>“That’s what the Doctor said.” Ryan says shrugging.</p>
<p>“But Gallifrey….”</p>
<p>“It was in pieces when we got there,” Yaz says, and she pauses, her mind trailing to those small threads which have been waiting there, for her to final thread together. “I think the Master destroyed it, and I think he did it long ago, and she didn’t tell us.”</p>
<p>“Eh?” Ryan says, wiping his hands on his thighs. “How d’you reckon that?”</p>
<p>“Think about it,” Yaz says, mentally pulling through the thread, making tight stitches, “after the Master first showed up, something changed in the Doctor then, and when I asked, she didn’t want us going to Gallifrey.”</p>
<p>Graham’s face pales in realisation. Ryan startles, “And she kept going back there, leaving us to explore different planets…”</p>
<p>“She was mourning…” Yaz says, her chest tightening as those final pieces come together, the stitching restrictive her breathing.</p>
<p>Jack shakes his head and looks at the Doctor fondly. “You ancient idiot.”</p>
<p>At that moment the Doctor begins to become restless again, only it is much worse, her tossing becoming almost violent, a distressed cry too much for Yaz to bear. She cannot help it, she supposes it is that part of her that has been desperate to see the Doctor again, to look out for her, but she does not think twice before she reaches down and touches the Doctor’s wrist.</p>
<p>“Yaz no!” She hears Jack cry, but she is already being impaled through mental spikes and carried away from reality to somewhere much darker.                                                                             </p>
<hr/>
<p>Flashes of light stream into Yaz’s vision, like lightning forks. Then, the light is like molten lava, warm and <em>burning. </em>Yaz would raise a hand to shield her face, but she cannot find them, cannot orient herself at all.</p>
<p>
  <em>Where is she?</em>
</p>
<p>Suddenly, she feels something under her feet, and she realises that she can feel her feet, and her whole body, and she is stumbling then as bodily function comes back to her.</p>
<p>She is standing on a grassy knoll, overlooking dramatic scenery. A purple sky looms overhead, flashes of lightning striking through the clouds. Mountain ranges tower around her, and Yaz suddenly feels very enclosed. Her breaths leave her lungs as if being chased out, and Yaz has to remind herself that it cannot get any worse than the Kassavin dimension.</p>
<p>Two figures appear then, through a dense fog which covers the grassy ground. One kneels, whilst the other stands over them, something in their hand directed at the person. With a jolt, Yaz realises it looks to be some sort of gun.</p>
<p>She tries to move towards the figures but finds herself frozen in place. The kneeling figure, a humanoid creature, pleads with the gun-wielding figure, who stands stock-straight, their dark uniform and the stern frown on their face forming an incredibly imposing presence.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to do this!” Says the kneeler.</p>
<p>“I do.” The wielder says, and Yaz thinks she catches something in their voice, something which does not match their expression. Regret? Sorrow?   </p>
<p>“No, please!”</p>
<p>“Your interference threatens the stability of this galaxy cluster. We cannot have that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t want this; I can see it! You don’t truly believe in what you are saying!”</p>
<p>The wielder falters for a moment before the gun is firmly pointed back in the face of the kneeler. “My loyalty is to the Division. Goodbye.”</p>
<p>“No, no! Wait! Ple-”</p>
<p>The kneeler is cut off as a gunshot pierces the air just as a lightning strike hits the ground. Yaz covers her mouth, a silent scream leaving her throat.</p>
<p>“No!” Comes another cry, and Yaz startles, her heart leaping into another gear as the Doctor appears through the fog, her face anguished, haggard.</p>
<p>“Doctor!” She calls, and the Doctor turns to her, surprise colouring her anguish into horror.</p>
<p>“Yaz!” She cries, eyes wide. “You shouldn’t be here! How are you here?!”</p>
<p>“Jack got you to us, Doctor,” Yaz says, finding her legs work and she can walk to the Doctor, covering a few metres in the space of seconds. Everything is off here, normal measurements meaningless. “I touched you, and now I think I’m in your head.”</p>
<p>“You’re in my memories…” The Doctor says, pale and still visibly distressed. “Memories I didn’t know I had, but were apparently buried deep, forgotten…”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, Doctor?” Yaz asks, “Look, I think we should try and-”</p>
<p>“You <em>can’t be here!</em>” The Doctor shouts, frustrated. “You need to get out, Yaz!”</p>
<p>“Well so do you!” Yaz insists.</p>
<p>The Doctor shoots her an empty smile. “I can’t leave until this has played out, until the damage the Judoon caused is healed over.”</p>
<p>“And how long will that take?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, don’t even know if it will, if there is any way out.” She crouches then, her hands grabbing the roots of her hair, bowing her down. “I’m <em>so </em>tired. I can’t break through <em>another</em> mental prison!”</p>
<p><em>‘Another?’ </em>Yaz thinks, banking that for a moment. “You don’t have to do it alone! I’m here-”</p>
<p>“No offence Yaz, but what are you going to do?” the Doctor says lifelessly.</p>
<p>Yaz licks her lips, keeping her grip, reminding herself that the stakes here are so high there is no time to be annoyed at the Doctor’s frustration-fuelled lack of faith in her. ‘<em>Not now, Yaz, she needs you.’ </em></p>
<p>“I’m your lifeline out of here,” She says. “If I could touch you and be dragged in here, shouldn’t it work the other way around?”</p>
<p>“Not quite, I’m afraid, you don’t hold any psychic abilities.” The Doctor explains, rising to her full height again but keeping her head in her hands, pushing her hair back from her face. “You only got sucked in because my psychic abilities are all off piste. That <em>damn </em>machine.”</p>
<p>“Well then maybe you can use that to your advantage?” Yaz suggests, “Use those abnormal levels to break out from the memory, from the storm!”</p>
<p>The Doctor’s eyes flicker to her and then back to their scenery again. Something eases in the crease in her brow.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it worth a try?” Yaz asks, cementing the idea in the Doctor’s brains.  </p>
<p>The Doctor closes her eyes briefly. Lighting cracks around them again, and Yaz wonders whether it is part of this memory or if this is the reaction of the Doctor’s mind to such upheaval.</p>
<p>“Doctor…. Please….” Yaz says, holding her hand out. “You want to come back, right?”</p>
<p>“More than anything.” The Doctor admits quietly.</p>
<p>“Then take my hand.” Yaz implores.</p>
<p>The Doctor is silent for a long time, or a short time. it is hard to tell, but the lightning crackles and screams around them and in that moment Yaz supposes time is irrelevant. The tension of this moment is based not on time, but on trust.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to hide this from me anymore.” She whispers. “From any of us. Please, let me help.”</p>
<p>The Doctor’s face crumples, then, and she is at once ancient and young. <em>Timeless. </em>She takes Yaz’s hands, and her fingers are freezing to touch.</p>
<p>“Alright,” She says quietly. “Here goes.”</p>
<p>And then, before Yaz can comprehend that this might be the most terrifying she has done, she is being plunged into darkness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading- I'm thinking they'll be another chapter- time to finally hear from the Doctor!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for how long this took- obviously, the world is strange and scary at the moment, and so I've had personal things to deal with as it messed up my final semester, etc. but anyway, I finally had some time this weekend to myself and decided finishing this would bring me, and I hope others, a good form of escapism.<br/>Thank you to everyone who has left a kudos or comment or simply clicked on this story, I am delighted so many people have been enjoying this story, and I hope this chapter does not disappoint. I also hope the long length makes up for the time of wait. <br/>Enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yaz’s back slams into Graham’s carpet as she is thrown away from the Doctor, her hand losing its grip on the other woman’s wrist. She blinks rapidly to clear her blurry vision, Ryan’s hand on her arm, helping her into a sitting position.</p>
<p>“M’fine.” She assures him, head spinning. She shakes it, and the world stabilises. “Doctor…” She mutters. She looks up towards the couch, her vision clearing to see the Doctor scrambling into a sitting position, heel of her hand pressed against her forehead, eyes wide and chest heaving.</p>
<p>“Ah!” The Doctor cries, shaking her head. “Ah, I am <em>never </em>doing <em>that </em>again.”</p>
<p>“Doc!” Graham says, standing in the middle of the room, having risen from his seat in the kerfuffle. “Thank god...”</p>
<p>The Doctor looks blearily around at all of them, and her eyes latch on Yaz for a second, and she blinks rapidly. “Wha-where-”</p>
<p>“I don’t know how she did it, but I think Yaz got you out whatever mess the Judoon made of your mind, Doctor.” Jack says with a relieved smirk on his face.</p>
<p>“My mind…” The Doctor says breathlessly, her brow creasing. There it is, that ident in her forehead, Yaz cannot help but notice. “Yes, sorry, it’s all a bit…. Wibbly wobbly.”</p>
<p>“<em>Wibbly wobbly?!” </em>Ryan mutters under his breath, but Yaz ignores him.</p>
<p>The Doctor looks to Jack, to the prison uniform under his coat, and then to her own. “We got out?”</p>
<p>Jack smiles. “We got out.”</p>
<p>The Doctor smiles a victorious, beaming smile for just a moment before it drops back into her serious and befuddled state. “They’ll be after us. Surprised they’re not here already. How long was I out?”</p>
<p>“No more than an hour.” Graham says kindly, “Look, Doc, can I get you anything. That was quite the rough patch…”</p>
<p>“No time, Graham.” She says, swinging her legs off the sofa. “The Judoon will find us, if they haven’t already. We need to stop them-”</p>
<p>She breaks off the moment she attempts to stand, her legs instantly give out from under her. Yaz darts forward, from where she is still kneeling on the ground, to try and prevent the Doctor’s crash to the floor but she is too late, and the Doctor slams into the carpet, hair covering her face. Ryan, too, is standing with his arms out in front of him futilely.</p>
<p>“Doctor!” Yaz says, reaching for the Doctor’s arm.</p>
<p>“M’fine.” The Doctor mumbles. “Just got to stabilise my systems.”</p>
<p>“Sit on the sofa for a second, Doc. Judoon or no Judoon, you’re not doing yourself any favours trying to head straight back into things.” Graham says.</p>
<p>The Doctor allows Yaz to lead her so that she is sitting on the edge of the sofa, head bowed, and fingers curled in her hair. Yaz remains kneeling in front of her, looking up into the Doctor’s eyes.</p>
<p>“What was that?” She whispers.</p>
<p>The Doctor winces, eyes clenching shut. “Later. I promise.” She mutters.</p>
<p>“I’m making more tea.” Graham announces, seemingly not too concerned over whether a Judoon invasion may be imminent or not.</p>
<p>The Doctor rummages around in her pocket, hand stilling before looking to Jack. “Sonic?”</p>
<p>Jack pulls it from his own pocket. “Kept it safe for ‘ya.”</p>
<p>The Doctor pauses in holding her hand out. After a second’s hesitation she lets it fall to her side. “Actually, could you do us a favour? Not sure whether my legs want to-”</p>
<p>“Scan the atmosphere for Judoon presence? Got it.” Jack says, rising from his seat, heading for the back garden.</p>
<p>“Got it in one.” The Doctor says, bowing her head again. Graham re-enters the room as Jack leaves, and the three companions gather around the Doctor, all speechless with both relief and uncertainty.</p>
<p>The Doctor looks up at them all, and her eyes are deep and full of too many things for Yaz to possibly try and unravel. “S’good to see ‘ya again fam…” She says.</p>
<p>“Doctor, how did you survive?” Ryan asks. “Is Gallifrey still standing? Did the Master get away?”</p>
<p>The Doctor shakes her head. “No,” she says, voice rasping. “Gallifrey is gone. The Master is too, along with his hybrid creations. Ko Sharmus took my place.”</p>
<p>The words are so bitter Yaz is surprised the Doctor doesn’t choke on them. She leans back on her haunches, desperate to put a hand on the Doctor’s, offer her some comfort. After all she has faced, to have to make that final decision, to permanently destroy the wasteland of the Master that had been her home, and then, to live with it, knowing someone else had taken her place…</p>
<p>“Doctor, I’m so-” She starts, but is interrupted by Jack who comes barrelling back into the room.</p>
<p>“You’ll have to hold off that tea, handsome.” He says, and he turns to the Doctor. “Judoon platoon imminent.”</p>
<p>The Doctor grits her jaw, mouth twitching. “Right then.” She says, “They are about to get a very large piece of my very battered mind.”</p>
<p>She stands, stumbling to the side, and Yaz rises to help her reorient herself. With a slight tinge of pink in her cheeks, the Doctor’s sniffs, flicking her bedraggled hair back and straightening the lapels of her coat. She looks down at her grey prison uniform. “I think this might be the biggest disservice they’ve done to me.”</p>
<p>Suddenly a crackling flash of light floods through the window. “They’re here.” The Doctor says, looking to Jack. The man chucks her the sonic, and the two of them face the Judoon head on as three of them come stomping into the room, weapons held poised. Yaz finds herself standing slightly to the side, the Doctor and Jack ensuring the attention is primarily on them. Ryan and Graham join her, Graham muttering something about his carpet being ruined.</p>
<p>“Oi! Horny boys.” The Doctor shouts, but then her head dips back and she frowns. “Wait, no, that sounded wrong…. Oi, you lot!”  </p>
<p>“Ko bo sho no!” The Judoon positioned at the head of the trio shouts.</p>
<p>“Normally, I’d apologise for that unintentionally unfortunate turn of phrase, but seeing as it’s you lot who frazzled the brains that came up with it, I’m going to let it pass!” the Doctor says. “I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”</p>
<p>“So bo no!” The Judoon replies.</p>
<p>The Doctor rolls her eyes. “Oh, just assimilate to English, it’ll be much easier.”</p>
<p>With a hint of annoyance, the Judoon converts its speech into English. “…….. and evasion of prison sentence is a serious breach of the law. You shall be escorted back for retrial and extension of sentence.”</p>
<p>The Doctor chuckles. “I don’t think so. Not when I’m sure the breaches to the condition of my prison sentence you carried out would come off very badly on you to your superiors.”</p>
<p>The Judoon hesitates before answering. “We did what was required of us by the prosecution.”</p>
<p>“The prosecution painted themselves as untrustworthy if they had asked such a thing of you.” The Doctor counters. She scoffs. “What was it they offered you? What sum of money? Because I’m not sure the confession was entirely needed. I think it was my <em>pain, </em>my penance for what I did. That’s what they wanted, and in doing so they coerced you into an illegal practice of what was essentially torture! Now, you <em>really</em> think that will be a good enough defence to your superiors?”</p>
<p>The Judoon captain is speechless, mouth opening and closing. The Doctor continues. “Now you lot are trigger happy, but never knowingly interested in torture. You like justice done quick and simple. And this was anything but.” Her voice is hoarse by the end, and Yaz has to swallow back bile in her throat. The police code is on the tip of her tongue, her expertise wanting to jump in and berate those who also profess to protect and serve. But she knows it is useless, the Doctor has already beat the Judoon at their own game. She is ready to checkmate.</p>
<p>“You can send them back a message from me.” The Doctor says, and then she steps forward into the Judoon’s space, not acknowledging the gun pointed against her chest. “Actually, better than that, you can send them back a memory.”</p>
<p>The Judoon hesitates, blinking down at the Doctor. Eventually, it huffs and brings out a small round disc-shaped object made of dark metal. A small slot springs open.</p>
<p>“Lucky for you, my physic levels are all off, so I can do this without any assistance.” The Doctor says, shuffling backwards and squaring her shoulders. “Well, you can thank yourselves for that one, actually.”</p>
<p>She closes her eyes then, fingertips pressed upon the open slot. Yaz watches, entranced, as silver light runs like water from the Doctor’s fingertips and into the device. Her face is lined, eyes moving underneath her eyelids. The slot darts back into the device with a decisive click and the Doctor steps back, eyes blinking open, breathing heavily.</p>
<p>“There, that should give them the justice they’re looking for.” She says bitterly. “The Division, gone. Gallifrey, gone. The man they’re looking for, well he is long gone, too. They’re all <em>dead</em>, gone in an act of violence not dissimilar to the one they seek revenge for. Tell them that, would you? Tell them how they cannot seek to find justice if they do so through the same actions which caused them pain. It is too late for that now.”</p>
<p>The Judoon steps back, slotting the disc into its armour. The three officers still have their weapons poised, but the Doctor asserts so much power, despite her bedraggled appearance, that they suddenly look to Yaz as if they are toys. They turn to Jack then, who has remained quiet whilst the Doctor has said her piece, but who now raise his eyebrows and laughs. He begins to speak, but the Doctor cuts him off.</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t think so.” She replies. “You will acquit us, <em>both </em>of us, and you will not return to our cases again unless you want to face prosecution yourselves for the crimes of corruption and coercion. Got it?”</p>
<p>The Judoon look cross, and they waver for a moment, but they eventually concede, the leader grunting at the other two. They lower their weapons.</p>
<p>“Now,” The Doctor says, planting her feet on the ground. “<em>Get off </em>this planet.”</p>
<p>With one last long look at the Doctor, the Judoon leader raises its fist to its breastplate. “Ko sho bo!” And with a pounding on the chest, they are gone.</p>
<p>The Doctor immediately crumples, hands resting on her knees, head bowed. Yaz rushes forward, as does Ryan, but she waves them off. “No, no. It’s fine. I’m fine. Just… takes a bit more out of you than I remember, memory transference. Or, maybe that’s because I’m still a bit wonky.”</p>
<p>“Here, sit down.” Yaz insists, dragging the Doctor towards the sofa. The Doctor relents, perching on the edge, head still bowed, forearms resting on her thighs. She breaths heavily. Jack heads towards the kitchen, and the three humans watch as he darts back into the room after a moment. “Definitely gone. Good one, Doc, really got me out of a tight spot there.”</p>
<p>“Thanks. S’all true. They shouldn’t have been doing that. And the people who hired them, they should have known better if what they really sought was justice.” The Doctor says, running a hand through her hair, fingers getting caught on knots.</p>
<p>“But what for?” Ryan asks, palms spread out in front of him. “Doctor, what is it they think you’ve done?”</p>
<p>Yaz looks from him to the Doctor, only to find the Doctor’s eyes latched onto her. The gaze is heavy, weighed down with the shared knowledge that now sits between them. Yaz has been in her mind, has seen what the Doctor was supposed to have done. But that wasn’t her Doctor, that was a stranger, and the Doctor’s own disgust at her actions are enough to compel Yaz to give her a reassuring look. She gently presses her hand against the Doctor’s arm, trying to offer support.</p>
<p>‘<em>Answers.’ </em>She tries to convey to her. ‘<em>We need answers, but only when you are willing to give them. I meant it when I said you don’t have to hide anymore.’</em></p>
<p><em>‘Thank you, Yaz.’ </em>The Doctor replies, and it is only then Yaz realises that the Doctor’s psychic energy is still in flux, that the touch to her arm must have been enough for her mind to link with Yaz’s. The Doctor had heard everything she’d thought.</p>
<p>‘<em>Yes, I did.’ </em>The Doctor replies, and there is a small smile playing on her lips. It is enough to ease the leaden wight that had been sitting on Yaz’s chest, and she lets out a heavy breath.</p>
<p>“Fam, I promise, I will answer any questions you have,” She begins, and Yaz tenses, expecting herself to feel that disappointment and irritation as the Doctor shuns them once again. But it doesn’t come this time, and she keeps her hand firmly touching the Doctor’s arm. “But I think I might be in need of a nap first, and a fried egg sandwich.”</p>
<p>Yaz looks between Ryan and Graham, their eyes meeting hers. She nods, almost imperceptibly, but they understand, and Ryan nods back, Graham breaking into a kind smile. “’Course, Doc. You rest up. We’ll be here, whenever you’re ready.”</p>
<p>The Doctor smiles, and Yaz pretends not to notice the small wobble in her lower lip. “Thanks Fam.” She says hoarsely. Her hand rubs against her thigh for a moment, before she looks to Jack, squinting a little. Yaz can feel her psychic energy fizzing and spluttering under her hand, getting slower and slower. The Doctor needs to rest.</p>
<p>“Jack, pass me your vortex manipulator.”</p>
<p>Jack narrows his eyes. “Why?”</p>
<p>The Doctor tuts, holding an impatient hand palm upwards. “I’m not going to break it. I need you to fetch her for me.”</p>
<p>“Who?” Jack asks, but his eyebrows raise as he understands. “Oh!”</p>
<p>He fumbles with the vortex manipulator, passing it to the Doctor. “I won’t need a key, will I?”</p>
<p>“No,” The Doctor shakes her head, fingers dialling in a set of coordinates. Once she is done, she throws it back to him. “She’ll know why you’re there. Now…there’s the sonic.” She says, throwing hack her device, who fumbles with it as he attempts to strap the vortex manipulator around his wrist. “The Tardis, she’ll know what to do, simply point with intent.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Jack says, frowning as he tucks the sonic in his pocket. “that seems… clear.”</p>
<p>“You’ll be fine.” The Doctor insists. “I’m sorry, I would get her myself but-”</p>
<p>“Don’t apologise, Doctor. You just got me out of a prison sentence. The least I can do is get your ship back.” Jack says. He looks between the four of them, then, taking a step back. He smiles cheekily, a glint in his eyes. “Well, see you kids in a minute.” And with a press of a button and fizz of energy, he is gone.</p>
<p>The Doctor sighs, suddenly going limp next to Yaz. Yaz move quickly to help her lie down as Graham mutters something about finding blankets and Ryan switches the side-lamp on, switching off the main light and plunging them into a lower, and more calming, light.</p>
<p>“Sleep, Doctor.” Yaz says, kneeling at her friend’s side once again. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”</p>
<p>A cold hand touches hers very briefly, and Yaz feels the Doctor’s presence in her mind, a ‘<em>thank you, Yaz’, </em>warming her mind before the Doctor is asleep, haggard face finally slack in a well-needed sleep.                                                                             </p>
<hr/>
<p>It is an hour later, and Yaz can feel her eyes drooping of their own accord. She is sat on the sofa, the Doctor’s socked feet in her lap. The floor was starting to make her legs cramp. This way, she feels as if she can at least try to reassure the Doctor with her presence, and she can feel less fizzing psychic energy coming from the body touching hers as the Doctor can finally rest.</p>
<p>“What did you see, Yaz?” Ryan asks her, voice quiet. “When you went into her mind.”</p>
<p>Yaz stirs, eyes opening. She glances over at Ryan, who is sat at the dining room table, the glow from his iPad illuminating his face in the low light. Graham also stirs at his words, the soft snores that had been coming from him, from where he is slouched in the armchair, coming to an abrupt stop.</p>
<p>“We were in this wild landscape.” Yaz says, keeping her voice low. “And there was a man pleading with another man. The second man, he had a… well,” She struggles to find the words, even though she can describe what she saw perfectly. It is the weight behind that description that worries her. What it would imply, what Ryan and Graham might understand, only without having the insight Yaz has had. “he had a gun and he had it raised at the other man, and then he…”</p>
<p>“<em>Killed him?” </em>Ryan asks, eyebrows raised.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Yaz replies, nodding slightly. She looks hard at Ryan, sees the cogs working behind his eyes. “Ryan…” She begins, but he cuts her off.</p>
<p>“Was that the Doctor, then? That man?” Ryan asks. “The one who killed the other man.”</p>
<p>Yaz sighs, “Yes, but-”</p>
<p>“She said, ‘what <em>I </em>did’,” Graham says, shifting upwards in his armchair. “So, that’s got to mean that that man you saw, Yaz, was the Doc.”</p>
<p>Ryan shakes his head. “What is going on here, man. The Doctor, she hates weapons.”</p>
<p>“I think…I don’t think the Doctor remembers it.” Yaz says, jumping in. She should not feel this defensive. She knows Ryan and Graham would never want to intentionally think ill of the Doctor, but with the secrets and hidden truths swirling between the four of them, it seems unfair to make any more assumptions without the Doctor able to explain to them, and Yaz is well placed by the circumstances to shed light and erase speculation where necessary. “She was so upset when it happened, and you heard what she said, they were trying to force the memory out of her, but it was painful because she had forgotten.”</p>
<p>Graham shakes his head, and his face seems more lined with age as he looks over at the sleeping Doctor. “This is…messy, a bleedin’ trail of questions leading to even more questions.”</p>
<p>“We should let her answer them when she can.” Yaz says, toning down the accusation in her voice, letting it come out kind and soft. “I don’t think she wants to hide it from us anymore.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think she should, for her own sake.” Ryan says with a maturity Yaz sometimes forgets he has, behind all the banter and humour.</p>
<p>The light is starting to heighten outside the windows, and Yaz knows it will not be long until dawn.</p>
<p>Suddenly, from outside, there is that familiar wheezing, and Yaz’s heart jumps in her chest. Ryan leaps up and heads to the back garden. Yaz would join him, but she does not want to disturb the Doctor. It is no matter though, as Ryan soon comes back into the room, followed by Jack.</p>
<p>“Anyone order a Tardis?” Jack says beaming.</p>
<p>Yaz smiles, and looks down at the Doctor, who sleeps on undisturbed.</p>
<p>“Man, that machine is a beauty, but very cantankerous unless you’re her pilot.” Jack says good naturedly, shaking his head.</p>
<p>“You’ve got that right,” Yaz says, “You should see her when Graham tries to use the custard cream peddle. That’s only for the Doctor?”</p>
<p>“<em>There’s a custard cream peddle?!” </em>Jack says, mouth wide open, looking childlike. He does an abrupt turn and heads back out into the garden, presumably where the Tardis has parked.</p>
<p>“Well he won’t get it to work.” Graham says, “But I tell you what, he’s managed to park it better than the Doc ever does. No furniture crushed today!”</p>
<p>Yaz chuckles slightly, Ryan huffing and rolling his eyes. Glancing quickly at the Doctor, who is still sleeping soundly, Yaz glances outside the window, at the sunlight which is soon to hit the house. Everything seems slightly lighter, and whilst they might be in for some heavy truths later, she savours this moment of relative peace, the Doctor’s body solid and reassuring beside her.                                                                          </p>
<hr/>
<p>“If she doesn’t hurry up her sandwich is gonna grow cold. There’s no pleasure to be had in a cold fried egg.” Graham mutters as he shuffles by the group crowded around the dining room table, tucking into their late-morning breakfasts. After Jack had returned, the group had finally managed to somewhat rest as they waited for the Doctor to wake up. Jack had commandeered the shower and given Graham one hell of a fright as he had burst out of the bathroom, stark naked, looking for a towel. He had then proceeded to raid both Graham and Ryan’s wardrobe for clothing to borrow, lamenting the loss of his own garments.</p>
<p>“At least I got my coat back, that thing is like a second skin.” He had remarked, Graham’s button up and Ryan’s chinos gracing his body. Both men had given him a bewildered look, slightly bowdlerised.</p>
<p>The Doctor had woken up just after ten, still bleary eyed, with dark circles under her eyes, but brighter, and with a smile on her face she had headed for the Tardis, insisting that she had to change out of the prison uniform and smarten herself up before anything else. Yaz had seen that she had been desperate to get back to the Tardis with a desire not unlike having an incessant itch you wish to scratch. She could understand it; the Doctor and the Tardis were like two sides of the same coin, arguing constantly and yet always with words filled with affection, not malice.</p>
<p>“I swear, if she’s just filling up on custard creams in there.” Graham mutters under his breath, and Yaz sniggers behind her own fried egg sandwich.</p>
<p>“’Course that blue box would provide such a bonus, and then only allow it to work for the Doctor.” Jack mutters from behind his cup of coffee, shaking his head as he sips at it. “One day…”</p>
<p>“One day what?” The Doctor asks, walking into the room, and for a moment the breath catches in Yaz’s throat.</p>
<p>She looks, if you ignore the slightly weary and haggard shadow that seems to sit over her face, like her usual self, trousers and braces and rainbows returned to her. Her earring glints in the light, her hair much more styled and cleaner.</p>
<p>“Doc!” Graham exclaims, stopping in the process of dishing sausages onto a plate. “You look…” He trails off, and the Doctor raises her eyebrows, leaning forward as she waits for his judgement. Something warm and fond grows in Graham’s eyes, and Yaz can feel it in her own, too. In everyone in the room’s eyes. “Well, you look like <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>A small frown mars the Doctor’s brow, but she nods, a small confused if not displeased smile on her face. “Thank you, Graham.”</p>
<p>“Your sandwich is here, Doctor.” Yaz says, holding up the plate. The Doctor’s face lights up.</p>
<p>“Brilliant!” She sits down in the chair next to Yaz, fumbling with something in the pocket of her coat. She pulls out a few custard creams and then, to complete perplexment of the others, opens up the sandwich and sticks them in between the bread with the fried eggs. Squashing the bread down, she takes a gratuitous bite. Yaz suddenly realises her mouth is wide open, and she clamps her jaw shut with a click.</p>
<p>Graham, sausage held aloft in his metal pliers, blinks once, twice, three times before finding his voice. “…You feeling better then, Doc?”</p>
<p>She nods around a mouthful of fried egg and custard cream. “Yeah. I’m fine. Hoping the enzymes in this might still the slight fizzing my psychic circuits are still exhibiting, but otherwise…”</p>
<p>She trails off, and Yaz knows, as they all do, that she is not ‘fine.’ There is a difference this time, though, from the Doctor’s ‘I’m fine’s of before, because they have seen too much, and she has let go enough, that they understand the underlying implications. A tentative harmony is settling over them, one in which they are playing to the same tune.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a phone begins to chirp, alerting its owner to a call. Jack jumps, and he pulls from his coat pocket a sleek mobile, looking at the screen, smiling in delight. “’Scuse me, folks. I gotta take this.”</p>
<p>He stands, heading for the hallway, and Yaz swears she hears a completely different language, not of earth, come from his mouth as he does.</p>
<p>“Actually, speaking of psychic circuits…” The Doctor says, sandwich limp in her grasp, gaze on the table. She falters for a moment before looking up at all of them, hazel eyes heavy set. “…I, I know there’s a lot I…” She falters, wincing apologetically. “Sorry, I don’t think I’m very good with the whole talking about feelings and personal… things.”</p>
<p>“It’s alright.” Yaz assures her, catching the Doctor’s eyes. “You don’t need to be good at it, you just have to let yourself be able to, in any way you can.”</p>
<p>A small smile flickers onto the Doctor’s face then, and she says, under her breath, so quietly its almost imperceptible, “My fam…so human.” The statement is fond, and Yaz in no ways feels offended. “In fact,” The Doctor continues. “That’s where I think the Tardis’s psychic circuits could come in handy. I was thinking that I could show you?”                                                                                    </p>
<hr/>
<p>The Tardis’s thrumming energy is familiar and welcoming as the three humans step inside for the first time since the Lone-Cyberman battle had begun. The lighting’s warmth envelops them as the door swings shut behind them. The Doctor, who has led the way, ushers them towards the stairs, encouraging them to sit as she stands by the console, hands fiddling with the controls absentmindedly. Yaz notices the stoop to her shoulders, the exhaustion still sitting deep beneath her skin.</p>
<p>“I know that things haven’t been…” The Doctor begins, already trailing off, a giveaway for her nervousness.  </p>
<p>“Hunky-dory?” Graham suggests, his tone slightly careful, and yet also strong. This is a confrontation, not between them and the Doctor, but between the four of them and the silence that has sat between them for weeks and weeks. Conviction is needed now.</p>
<p>“Yes! Hunky-dory, that’ll do.” The Doctor replies, pointing a finger at Graham. Her shoulders drop a little as she is relaxed by Graham’s offer of assistance. “Things haven’t been hunky-dory for a while now, and I’ve been trying not to let on anything because I didn’t want…” She trails off, arms swinging at her side.</p>
<p>“Didn’t want… what?” Ryan pushes, gesturing with his hand, leaning casually on his knee.</p>
<p>“I didn’t want to tell you at first, I didn’t want…” She begins to pace, hands running through her hair. “I wanted a <em>fresh start. </em>I wanted to remain amazing and stay that way. I didn’t want you to see that my life…. It’s more than that, its dozens of lives, apparently more than that, ones I don’t remember! My life isn’t just my own, it belongs to so many, and yet… we are all the same! I couldn’t separate myself; I couldn’t start afresh; I am far too old for that!</p>
<p>“Doctor, hold on, you’re starting not to make sense.” Yaz says kindly, leaning forward slightly, ready to get up if she decides that might be necessary. “You said you were gonna show us, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, I was-am.” The Doctor says, and she turns to the console, fiddling with the controls. An image flicks onto the screen on the wall facing them, and the fam are greeted with an image of-</p>
<p>“That’s Gallifrey.” Yaz says, and the Doctor nods. It is Gallifrey, except the Gallifrey they had seen was in ruins, tatters, and this image is beautiful in its neatness, its orderly buildings and the incredible glass dome that covers the citadel.</p>
<p> “Yes, Gallifrey as it was, when it was home to the timelords, in their hight of power.” The Doctor says.</p>
<p>“It’s very… grand.” Graham says, a little lost for words. He chuckles. “Well, that’s a bit of an understatement, actually!”</p>
<p>“Yes, they’ve always been singularly bombastic.” The Doctor replies, words caught halfway between resentful and fond.  </p>
<p>“But now it’s all gone.” Yaz says, her stomach clenching.</p>
<p>“It was the Master, wasn’t it?” Ryan asks. “It was him who destroyed Gallifrey.”</p>
<p>The Doctor sighs. “It isn’t as simple as that…” She bites her lip, and the indecision is so unlike her, Yaz braces herself for the weight of the words she is sure she is about to hear, the images she will see. “That wasn’t the first time Gallifrey has been destroyed. It happened once, in a war between my people and the Daleks.”</p>
<p>Yaz reels back in understanding, remembering the Doctor’s enigmatic behaviour surrounding their run-in with the reconnaissance dalek.</p>
<p>“In the end, I was left with a choice, an impossible choice.” She speaks quite distantly, and Yaz wonders why she isn’t showing them instead. “I either let the war consume the universe, or I destroy the Daleks, and Gallifrey with them, and save the universe.”</p>
<p>“Oh my days…” Ryan mutters, but the Doctor presses on, and Yaz understands now that she does not want to dwell on this, that whilst this is significant, and Yaz’s heart is beginning to pound in her chest, this is not the main story the Doctor is telling today.</p>
<p>“I managed to bring Gallifrey back, hundreds of years later in my own timeline, in a very complex chain of events. Hid them in a pocket universe. I thought they’d be safe there, I thought they could continue to live on, without being touched by the rest of the universe, but…” She shakes her head, and she closes her eyes. Suddenly the image changes to a reel of images- no, <em>memories, </em>the Doctor’s memories- and now Yaz understands. She is showing them her memories, bypassing the words she might struggle to find, allowing them to form their own opinions. It is incredibly revealing, and Yaz feels something settle in her chest which make her eyes prickle with moisture. Why had she ever doubted the Doctor trusted them? How could she ever think it was anything else other than an attempt to protect them? Yaz longs to reach out, to share with her the memories of her own vulnerability, her own choices, but now is not the time.</p>
<p>Images of smoke and blood and rubble play out in front of them, and then the Master’s face is there, asking ‘when was the last time you went home?’, and boasting with the words, ‘When I said someone did that, obviously I meant… I did.’ His face, it appears, flickering as a hologram, pitiful and sympathetic, but his words are teasingly enigmatic, ‘I had to make them pay for what I discovered. They lied to us. The founding fathers of Gallifrey. Everything we were told was a lie. We are not who we think we are, you and I. The whole existence of our species built on the lie of the Timeless Child.’ And then his expression hardens, eyes holding that familiar menacing glint. ‘I’d tell you more, but… but why would I make it easy for you? It wasn’t for me.’ And then he is gone, and the Tardis lights around them burst into a deeper shade of red, the Doctor’s anger and frustration bleeding through the psychic connection.</p>
<p>“The Timeless Child, what’s that?” Graham asks, and the Doctor blinks her eyes open, the Tardis dulling to its standard orange glow. Her jaw is clenched, her eyes distant, lost in thought. A small sad smile crosses her face. She looks up at them.</p>
<p>“They’re who Gallifrey is founded on, the genetic code taken directly from them.” The Doctor says.</p>
<p>“‘<em>Taken</em> from’?” Yaz asks, the strange wording perplexing.</p>
<p>The Doctor’s cheek twitches. “When you found me, on Gallifrey, the Master had been showing me the truth of our people contained within the matrix, the database for knowledge on Gallifrey. I thought he was lying, about all of it, but it turns out… well, here-”</p>
<p>Her eyes close again, and Yaz turns to the screen, heart hammering in her chest as she awaits what will be displayed.</p>
<p>What follows leaves a cold spear of ice in her chest, and a shiver down her spine. A child, seemingly from another universe, found by a traveller, and taken to be adopted and cherished as the woman’s own. Then, the accident, and Yaz understands what the Doctor had meant by ‘taken’, as she watches in horror the child is forced to regenerate several times, so that the woman, Tecteun, may understand the genetic code and achieve the power for herself. And when she does, that poor child is given no respite, is initiated into the ‘Division’, employed to fulfil the ends of the Time Lords whom she had birthed, without recognition or remembrance, the power and arrogance they now held as gospel enough for them to see her as something to be manipulated and used, just as Tecteun had done from the start.</p>
<p>“Oh my god…” the words spill from her lips, the words quiet. She hears Ryan swear softly beside her, but the Doctor does not falter, her eyes remaining closed, the Tardis lighting flooded with variants of blue.</p>
<p>“There is little of the child’s time with the Division recorded, but the Master, he thinks Tecteun left a puzzle piece for the child to decode one day, hidden within the Matrix.” The Doctor says, voice soft and faraway as she concentrates on her memories.</p>
<p>Yaz observes as the images flick back and forth between the child on Gallifrey and a young man in Ireland, watches as the images match up, one disguised behind the other. Then, she feels bile rise in the back of her throat as she sees the man, Brendan, have his mind wiped. ‘We’re sorry you won’t remember it.’</p>
<p>“They forced them into serving for them, and then had their memory wiped?” She spits, and her words pulls the Doctor out of her memories, the screen flickering blank as her eyes look to Yaz. She nods.</p>
<p>“Why would they do that?” Ryan asks, looking shaken and disgusted. The Doctor shrugs helplessly.</p>
<p>“The Time Lords have always been so arrogant.”</p>
<p>“But that was her <em>child? </em>She should have made an oath of protection!” Yaz insists, and perhaps she is coming across as naïve, and incredibly human in her logic of thinking, but it feels like an unwritten code of the universe, one that has been so cruelly manipulated. The Doctor doesn’t reply, just lets out a small sigh.</p>
<p>“What happened to the child, Doc?” Graham asks, his eyes old and weary, face heavily lined.</p>
<p>“Their memory was erased one final time. They were forced back into becoming a young child, to grow up as a citizen of Gallifrey, with no idea that they had been there since the beginning.”</p>
<p>Yaz shakes her head. “But <em>why? </em>Why not tell them the truth?”</p>
<p>The Doctor’s lip curls up, but her eyes are sad. “Time Lords want to gain power and keep it. They were probably afraid of what the child might do.”</p>
<p>“Wait… it wasn’t the Master, was it? The Child? Is that why he destroyed Gallifrey again, once he’d discovered the truth?” Ryan asks.</p>
<p>The Doctor laughs slightly. “No, it’s not the Master.”</p>
<p>“Then who…” Yaz starts, but there are dots already connecting in her head, and she feels a burst a pain like ligtening make its way down her spine as they come together to from one clear answer. The Doctor interrupts her, the words coming out with no sense of gravitas, but they are, in themselves, shocking enough.</p>
<p>“It’s me.”</p>
<p>Yaz’s heart skyrockets, her palms sweating as her conclusions are confirmed. Graham moves, as if to stand, but he sits back down heavily.</p>
<p>“That is why the Master destroyed Gallifrey. He couldn’t stand the thought that he only existed because of me, and that is why he created the hybrid-cybermen, to punish the Timelords further and to mock me by using the gift I had given to create ultimate evil.”</p>
<p>“But you didn’t give it, it was taken from you!” Yaz insights, standing up. Her throat feels tight, her eyes wet. “You were a child…”</p>
<p>“Don’t,” The Doctor says, holding a hand out. “Don’t feel sorry for me, please. I am too old, and have done too much to be deserving of any pity. And besides, the Master…” She chuckles slightly, looking down at the floor. “He thought all this knowledge would break me, but it didn’t. Instead, I see it as gift. There’s another piece of myself that I didn’t know about, but now I do, and I can take it back. Back from the Master, back from the Timelords. It can be my <em>own. </em>The Judoon, they tried to force my past crimes on me, in seeking a confession. Tried to claim possession of those memories, to <em>take </em>them from me. But those memories are mine alone to forget or to choose to try and uncover when I want to.”</p>
<p>Yaz’s heart is still pounding, and she hears Ryan and Graham stand to join her as she steps forward. The Doctor raises her head, gaze wary, unsure. It’s a look that does not suit her, and Yaz is determined to put that right.</p>
<p>“What they did, you didn’t deserve that. You shouldn’t have had that happen to you.”</p>
<p>“Yaz-” The Doctor starts to protest but Yaz keeps talking.</p>
<p>“But we’ll never see you as weak because of it. And we’ll be angry and sad on your behalf, as your friends. Your fam.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, s’like I said, way back, after the Judoon and Jack first appeared, we know <em>you, </em>not who you were before and who you might be in the future. Yaz told us what she saw, in your mind, how you, but <em>not </em>you, had to kill that man. But we know they weren’t the actions of the woman standing in front of us now, nor would you choose them to be.” Ryan says.</p>
<p>The Doctor blinks rapidly, sucking in a sharp breath. Her lip wobbles ever so slightly, and Yaz yearns to pull her into a hug. “My fam…” She whispers.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to carry all this on your own, Doc.” Graham says, and he puts a hand on her shoulder. “I understand, well, maybe I don’t fully, seeing as I can’t imagine how it must be to live thousands of years-”</p>
<p>“It might be more than that.” She confesses quietly, shrugging.</p>
<p>Graham lets out a small chuckle. “Well, alright, but seeing as I probably won’t even make it to one hundred years old, my point is I won’t know what it is to carry all those years with me, but what I do know is that sharing your problems, even only some of them, with the people who care about you can lighten the load immensely.”</p>
<p>“I think you’ve shown your compassion to us enough times,” Yaz says, “Let alone because you just wanted to give us the excitement of seeing the universe.”</p>
<p>“It’s not as innocent as all that Yaz, there were selfish reasons, too, for why I’ve never really spoken about myself.” The Doctor says bitterly, shaking her head.</p>
<p>“But only because you wanted to try, to try and be the person you wanted to be.”</p>
<p>The Doctor smiles sardonically, stepping slightly further away from them to nervously fiddle with a small dial on the controls. “And look how well that’s turned out.”</p>
<p>“Yes, it has, in a roundabout way.” Yaz insists. Her voice is strong, stronger than she had anticipated. The tension that has sat between them all the last few months is fading, and the emotions that have consumed Yaz for so long are carrying her voice, strengthening her as she tries to make the Doctor understand. “You haven’t come out of this angrier or hateful. You’ve come out stronger. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for us, on Gallifrey. You took the blame for the Master’s cyber-race because they came from your genetics. You didn’t choose to do that through manipulation, to make us think that you are brave. Those actions are testament to who you really are. Don’t you see? You don’t have to be a different person, you just have to be <em>you.</em> You just have to be the Doctor.”</p>
<p>The Doctor blinks, her mouth gaping slightly, and Yaz can tell, triumphantly, that her words have had an impact.</p>
<p>“I was never intentionally trying to lie, I just….” The Doctor starts, running a hand through her hair. “I’ve lost a lot of people, all because I put them in danger. I don’t want to see that happen to you, too.”</p>
<p>“Doc, look, you might be the founding being of an entire species, but that doesn’t mean you’re infallible.” Graham says, quite offhandedly, which makes them all chuckle a little. “And it also doesn’t mean you’re responsible for the actions of every single being we come across. Nor for ours.”</p>
<p>“We want to be with you.” Yaz states, stepping forward again. The Doctor doesn’t move. “We’ve made the choice, and we know, no matter how dangerous it gets, that we’ll look out for each other. All of us.”</p>
<p>The Doctor breaths heavily for a moment, before her eyes close momentarily and she nods. “The whole human race and I’m lucky enough to meet you three.”</p>
<p>Yaz smiles, and she can feel a weight leave her as she does. Her head feels lighter on her shoudlers. They’re all okay. Truths have been revealed, and she is still shocked and angry on the Doctor’s behalf, but there’s clarity that was not there before, and they’re all better for it.</p>
<p>“Ah, well, you know, I try my best.” Ryan says, shrugging, looking smug. They all laugh, the Doctor’s haggard face brightening.</p>
<p>“Hang on… Ruth, you said she was you, and that she could only be your past, but you didn’t know her.” Graham suddenly says. The Doctor nods.</p>
<p>“Yes. She must have been me, from before, when I worked for the Division. Only, she was running from it.” Her lip quirks upwards. “I am not surprised.”</p>
<p>“Are you curious?” Yaz asks. “To find out more about the Division?”</p>
<p>The Doctor thinks for a moment, staring into the far distance. “I am, yes. But I don’t think I’ll go looking for answers. Not straight away, at least. Although, it will only be matter of time before either my past runs into me or I run into it. It already has, really. I was imprisoned for a crime I do not remember doing, for reasons I would never choose.”</p>
<p>“Well, when you do feel curious, we’ll be there if you want us, by your side.” Graham says nodding. The Doctor nods back after a moment, her and Graham sharing a look which Yaz knows is of two people, older and wiser, finding a common understanding.</p>
<p>“And in the meantime, I could really do with another spa planet, if you fancy?” Ryan says.</p>
<p>“Yeah, except, not one with a deadly threat this time.” Yaz adds, and the Doctor smiles.</p>
<p>“I can’t promise anything.” She says, pressing a button on the console. The screen, which had been flickering statically, shuts off. “But I suppose a sit down sounds quite nice.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t think I’d ever see the day you’d say that.” Graham jokes good-naturedly.</p>
<p>The Tardis door creaks open then, and Jack’s head pops in, a cheeky smile on his face. “Sorry to interrupt. Graham, you don’t happen to be overly attached to your kitchen sink, do you?”</p>
<p>Graham blinks, frowning. “Eh?”</p>
<p>Jack shrugs. “Only it seems to have sprung a leak. And the whole tap, it’s come off the faucet. Somehow, I really don’t know how…”</p>
<p>“Oh for… Ryan, son, help us with the plumbing would ya?” Graham says, heading towards the Tardis doors.</p>
<p>“Oh my days.” Ryan shakes his head, following his grandfather out. “We’ll be back in a second.”</p>
<p>Yaz and the Doctor share a laugh as they watch the men leave, door swinging shut with a creak behind them. The Doctor continues to poke and prod at various controls, but her eyes are faraway, her face lined and tired.</p>
<p>“You sure you okay?” Yaz asks quietly, leaning back on the console.</p>
<p>The Doctor nods, looking up at her from behind a curtain of hair. “Yeah. I think I am. Or, I will be.”</p>
<p>Yaz nods, satisfied that the Doctor is being truthful. “You’re still the most amazing person I’ve ever met.”</p>
<p>The Doctor’s face does something funny then, her mouth opening slightly before closing. “And you are <em>fantastic</em>, Yazmin Khan. Utterly, completely <em>brilliant</em>.”</p>
<p>Yaz bites her lip, hesitating slightly. “Doctor…. Can I hug you?”</p>
<p>The Doctor straightens up, arms swinging by her side. She breaths in deep, head nodding slightly. “You know what, Yaz? I think I could use one.”</p>
<p>Normally, the Doctor is not keen on touching, and that is something Yaz is completely accepting of, but she is glad that the Doctor is willing, and in fact admitting, that Yaz can provide her with comfort. Yaz throws her arms around her then, and the Doctor reciprocates with her arms tightly wound around Yaz’s torso. The Doctor smells like ozone and custard creams, and Yaz breaths it in, cherishing the feel of the solid body, the body that’s alive, her two hearts beating within her.</p>
<p>Yaz knows there are still things she will find out about the Doctor, in time, and there are things she feels ready to share about herself, finds herself <em>wanting </em>to share. But she is convinced that she will never see the Doctor as anything but the most brilliant person that she has ever met. She has given Yaz all of time and space, and finally, in letting Yaz in, she has given her the universe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading and I hope you have enjoyed this story. I invented some things such as the memory disc-thing for convenience sake, so i'm not sure whether that's canon but... it's Doctor Who, right? It's wibbly wobbly.<br/>I'm using Doctor Who as my escapism right now and I feel inspired to write, so I might do something else soon (but i also have to write a dissertation so when I'll find the time i don't know!) </p>
<p>I hope you are all well, and stay safe. </p>
<p>xx</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>* I decided to omit any reference to the Tardis the fam used to get back from Gallifrey as it's not really relevant to my story.</p><p>Thanks for reading- Kudos and comments always appreciated!</p><p>I cannot say when the next chapter will be up but I hope this one has entertained to begin with :) </p><p>P.S. the title is rubbish but i am no good at titles so forgive me!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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